Memory Lane, names that begin with A

One of my old coworkers has been on my mind lately. He was an attorney I worked with back in the bad old days, when I was too naive to realize that the proper name for my job was Discovery Paralegal, and that I could have been making a lot more cash doing what I was doing for other law firms closer to home.

The thing that jogged my memory was a story this guy once told me. One evening, oblivious to the rest of the world, Attorney Art sat at home. Suddenly, and without warning the doorbell rang. Attorney Art raised his eyes from the adventures of Tyrone Slothrop and set Gravity's Rainbow aside to answer the door. Surprisingly there was no one there. As he started to close the door Attorney Art heard a noise. Twicker tweet came the sound from below. Looking down towards his feet, he heard the noise again: twicker tweet. When his gaze stopped he found himself staring straint into the eyes of Punky Brewster. [Punky, as you may recall, was the lead character in a sitcom about a spritely, dare I even say Spunky!, young girl who'd been abandoned by her birth parents and adopted by an apartment building superintendent. You may recall she was played by the actress Soleil Moon Frye. It is rumored that Ms. Frye has nice toes.] Yes, yes, it was Halloween. Poor befuddled Attorney Art had no candy. He hadn't realized it was the great sugar extortion festival. He was unprepared for his lone Halloween visitor. Eventually he found some sort of treat and sent the poor kid on her way.

That was the sort of thing I loved about Art. He was absolutely clueless about some of the things that mattered to other people. Another thing I loved about him was that was he was just a gorgeous creature. I mean that in the well-toned, defined and otherwise photogenically perfect Calvin Klein underwear model sort of way. Oh that, and his seeming total ignorance of his beauty. As far as I could tell, he didn't know that his HotOrNot score went up to 11. Without a doubt he is one of the finest looking men I've ever seen in my whole life, and undoubtedly the most handsome man I was never physically attracted to. That was so much fun, being able to enjoy an excellent person without all the stupid houhah imposed by hormonal attraction. He was wicked smart and he turned me on to some books and music I wouldn't have otherwise read. In those days we had lunch when we could, and even socialized outside of work a few times. I wish I'd stayed in touch with him, but life is hard for first year associates. Eventually one of us quit the firm.

There aren't many of my old coworkers that I'd ever like to see again. The support staff were all gross distortions of the human form, weird characters that exemplifed many of the failings of humanity. The partners were... well, best left unsaid. But I still miss the associates, the rank and file lawyers, the new hires fresh out of law school with bright eyes, vigor and soul that would slowly be stomped out of them. Those are the people that I miss. Attorney Art, wherever you may be, I hope you are well and happy. And I hope you know how hot you probably still are.