The longest day

I've been waiting all day for a specific something to happen. It was supposed to happen before noon. It's well past midday now. Resignedly, I must accept that is not going to happen. Definitely not today, perhaps never. Fuckity fuck fuck. --disappointment--

They tell me expectations are bad & all, (mmmkay) but J.H. Christo on a popsicle stick, what's the use of putting up with the vast fields of daily joyless crap with nothing to look forward to. The prairiedogs of happiness don't really bounce out of their holes much more often than MLE comes to visit, which is to say it seems like I only have neat things to look forward to about 3 times a year. Today was supposed to be one of those things.

While waiting for the phone to ring I've been trying to rid my house of unused stuff. It feels a little bit like going on the clean-up expedition to your grandparents' house after they die. All the bits and pieces of human existence that have to be gone through evoke familiarity in the detritus of a shared history. Except it's my own house, like I'm the one that died. Lots of stuff needs to go:
- Old ski boots & climbing gear left over from a decade when I had functional knees and shoulders.
- Cute clothes that never fit, but which I clung to desperately hoping someday they would be the right size and I could prance about in sartorial splendor.
- Clothes that were never cute but which did the job of keeping me clad while I plodded about town.
- Books I've read, whose pages I'l not turn again.

Le sigh. Today was sunny, it was safe to be on the roads, but all in all, it's grimmer here than yesterday was.