Monday, June 05, 2006

Frumpy McFrumpington

Oh sartorial woe ! I need some new clothes. While I don't have an actual j-o-b nailed down for this summer, in the event that I get one, I will need something to wear other than the same pair of jeans that I've been wearing nearly every day for the last 3 months.

The business wear section of the closet currently:

- 5 cotton button down shirts: 2 white, 1 solid blue, 1 light blue w/white cuffs&collar, 1 light green.
- 3 pair work slacks: 2 pair solid black, both too small in the seat so as to provide an extra egregious "toe" & VPL affect, 1 pair black w/white pinstripes, never worn, 6 inches too long and strangely gappy in the waist for a plumber's look should I ever sit down.
- 1 long skirt: brown fabric something like sueded polysomething or other
Lastly
- I own exactly one suit. It's a polyester blend in a blue that approaches navy. In it, I look like a flight attendant, or perhaps a county bureaucrat from one of the more impoverished states.

For shoes I have one pair of scuffed loafers with high block heels in both black and brown, ditto plain side zip ankle boots.

I would love, love, love to hit the local Nordstorms for a personal shopping experience. Alas, 1 outfit at Nordstroms = a week's worth of clothes at a discount store like Marshalls.

Is there any help for the terminally pudgy, fashion-clueless esq-to-be?

5 comments:

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Dude, welcome to my world. But you know, beat-down county employee is pretty comfy, all things considered.

Target has pretty decent button down shirts. You could also try the Blandana Republican sales rack.

-qir said...

yeah, I hear you, except that said suit isn't all that comfy, not that I didn't run the Urban Iditarod in it, but that's another story.
What I truly need is some sort of butt swaddle. Pants are more comfortable than skirts since they preclude the chafing that accompanies the thigh rub you get if you dare eschew pantyhose AKA torture invention of the gently used millenium. Alas, most pants don't sweep my figure so much as bunch and pucker in the least attractive way. Dowdy-lady city.

But even with butt swaddle what I really need is some sort of personalized Dress for Success 201: Dressing for work & hobnobbing with the higher social castes. It's not just that I'm lame in the cut and color department, but the subtleties of mixing and matching fabric types are pretty much lost on me.

One day I'd love to be able to attend graduate level workshops on accessorizing.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Well, to be fair, when you are first interviewing they expect the flight attendant look. You can branch out afterwards. But for your power outfit-

I suggest a black pantsuit or skirt suit. It's way easier to find, there are more flattering fits and it's easier to match the accessories.

Here's the thing-half this stuff is ultimately about the accessories and your bloody hair and make up, not the brands of the clothes (am not kidding). You can totally rock the cheaper black suit (what about Macy's sales rack???).

Check out Payless to see if they have any shoes that you like + are comfortable in. Find a good style-just keep them immaculately sparkling clean. No one needs to know you spent 20 bucks on designer knockoffs-it's none of their fucking business + you are a goddamned student. I found a gorgeous pair of pointy toes at Ann Taylor that have a heel but are actually comfortable (so not kidding you). I have wider feet so if I can stuff them in, most people will be able to.

http://www.anntaylor.com/IWCatProductPage.process?Merchant_Id=1&RestartFlow=t&Product_Id=827060

This is the same basic style though mine are not slingbacks.

Second, do your nails the night before. I am not kidding. It's the small details that convey that look. Go to the Korean manicurist and spend 5 bucks if need be and get the cheesy french manicure. Colours are potentially to vixenifying but a shiny polished set of nails clutching your portfolio (get one if you don't have one already) is impressive.

Make sure your hair looks nice. Again, not shitting you. I'm not terribly good with getting my hair really straight so I would probably get it professionally blow out before my next interview. Most places will do it for 20$. Keep the makeup minimal-use the cream that gives you the most glow, mascara and some subtle tinted lip gloss. You are very pretty, no kidding.

Purse: get a purse that's mature but not old lady. Try Ross, TJ Maxx ladida. I'd recommend Nine West or Kenneth Cole at those stores. It should be leather, not too large, should not feature insane zips/buckles etc. but try to get one that's sort of classic. You don't want TOO much shiny buckle-age but some will go towards inviting that power bitch look (gleaming metal always does).

Wear nice jewellry that's not too flashy.

Button down shirt: comfy, and should complement the colour of your eyes. I tend to wear a smokey gray because I have brown eyes. I think that would look pretty nice on you too, or you could wear a flattering blue (don't wear green, I don't like the way it contrasts with black suits that much but I can't explain why)

Seriously, you don't have to spend more than 100 to 150 for your suit + shoes + purse. Just remember what I said about the manicure + hair + makeup. The only thing your clothes + shoes + purse have to be is immaculately spotless so that they look new at all times.

In terms of black suits, although you don't like this idea-Ann Taylor makes a black suit that is basically a shift dress with a jacket that I think flatters almost everyone. Also, it eliminates the need to buy another button down shirt and navigate whether or not you're leaving a boobie gap in the buttons.

Ultimately your BEST powernobbing asset will be your confidence.

The next time I am up maybe we should take you shopping to Nordstrom just to get a good sense of what's good on you.

BTW, also check out consignment stores.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Also, don't wear perfume. Wear a smelly lotion in some subtle powdery smell. Give a good grip.

-qir said...

whee, shopping! See above.